Making a Baby: Take 2

Eli Bryant Wooten

Well... At the end of my posts detailing Zac’s birth I mentioned having to write 6 blog posts for any other children I had so they wouldn’t feel less loved (Zac’s birth, part2, part3, part4, part5, part6).  I don’t think this one will get as long as that one.  I’m not lying to get you sucked in, I promise.  So if you’re up for it, here we go... again:  (Also, it’s a great way to process everything and a fun way to share it with friends).

The plan:  It was almost time for another baby in the Wooten household.  Almost.  Zac had just turned 1 in April and we knew we wanted them to be about 2 years apart.  “Let’s shoot for summer/fall 2012 for the next one” (to the extent we have control over it).  May 2011 rolls around, some stuff goes down, and baby #2 is in the oven, a few months ahead of schedule.  What’s that make the due date... February 6.  Wups, let me check... yes, that is still tax season.

I admit, it was a little nerve racking for both of us at first.  We were a little worried.  But it didn’t take long for the excitement to take over.  Even though we had already decided we were ‘ready’ for baby #2, there were moments of doubt.  After Tiffany was pregnant there were definitely nights, at least for me, of lying in bed and wondering if we were really ready.  Another baby?  Zac will be 22 months old.  We’ve gotten used to 1, can I really do 2?  Do I really want to go through that whole part that involves the hospital, and the laboring and all the mess?  Serious doubt of being able to handle 2 kids enters your mind, no matter how well you think you’ve adjusted to having 1.  But lucky for me, I have a natural ability to accept things I know I cannot change, and so the doubt quickly moved to determination.  

I also was very excited about Eli coming in February after the initial day or two.  I like my birthday being in February and told Tiffany that if it weren’t for tax season I wouldn’t have minded planning a baby in the early months of the year.  So it worked out nicely.  

Also, around January Tiff and I were discussing the difficulties of having a child during tax season.  Then it hit me... we haven’t had a normal tax season yet.  2009 - first tax season in New Bern doing taxes.  The first one takes a lot of adjusting.  2010 - Tiffany was very pregnant.  Would she be able to get out and do everything she needed to do without my help?  2011- Zac was 9-12 months old and not exactly sleeping all that well (not as well as adults sleep anyway).  Plus Tiffany needed to adjust to doing more and having less help from me at night and at bed time.  2012 - Eli is born in February... What will 2013 hold?  Our first truly normal tax season I hope!  Although, I hope it’s not our normal...  

The first few months I really don’t remember a whole lot about.  We had Zac and vacations keeping us busy.  I very much wanted to take the birthing class we took for Zac again, but the couple that lead it the first time wasn’t teaching anymore and Tiffany said we could just review the materials we had.  She did a great job at re-preparing for labor.  I on the other hand did what I do... waited until the last minute and then got done what I needed to get done.  I reviewed most of the chapters and material in late January.  

After we found out we were having another boy (which is what we were both hoping for) most of our thoughts were about how similar or different he would look from Zac.  And of course choosing a name.  We had settled on a name.  Locked it in.  And then we took a trip to New Jersey.  Well, that’s a long drive and somewhere in Maryland Zac and Tiffany were both napping and so I was alone with my thoughts driving down the interstate.  By the time Tiffany woke up I told her I had accidentally liked a different name better than the one we chose.  She was not on board with the new name.  We discussed it for about 2 minutes.  2 days later, out of the blue, Tiffany told me she liked Eli better as well and the little guy was named Eli Bryant Wooten in Cape May, NJ.  (The original name is still in the running for future boys if there are any).

I removed the label of “Part 1” in the title to this post so it wouldn’t scare you away.   :)

Blessing or Wrath?

(these ideas were also refined and helped by a Matt Chandler sermon)

Romans 1:
18For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.
24Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

Ask anyone (or at least almost anyone) and they will say America is blessed.  We are such a blessed country because of the freedoms we have here.  We are such a blessed country because of the wealth we have here.  We are such a blessed country because of the health we experience here.  Compared to the majority of the rest of the world we far exceed them all in everyone of these areas.  But are these things blessings?  What is a blessing?  I’m not sure myself sometimes... I believe all of those things can be blessings.  But I am starting to believe that in America, not in all individual cases, but as a whole they are indeed curses; the wrath of God Almighty.

Romans says that the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness.  That we know things about God because He has shown it to us clearly.  And that although we know this, we do not honor Him or give thanks to Him.  We ignore Him, suppress the truth about what we know of Him, or outright mock Him.  Verse 24 is the scary verse - therefore, God gives us up to the lusts of our hearts... wait what?  That’s not what I was taught...  You mean He curses us with poor health right?  He punishes us by killing our business income?  No, He gives us the desire of our hearts - namely whatever it is we are pursuing that is not Him.  So if your love for money and prosperity is an idol in your heart that you desire more than Christ, God does not take away your money to pour out His wrath... He gives up on you and let’s you pursue money, quite possibly to the result of becoming exceedingly wealthy.  Then we make it even worse by believing that this is a blessing when in reality it is God’s wrath and we continue in ignorance thinking we are close to God while we are in fact very far from Him.

For those who are seeking Christ and have struggles with loving other things more than Him, sometimes God’s mercy is suffering.  Sometimes what we perceive here as God’s wrath and judgement is in fact his mercy, loving us to turn us to him and sometimes what we perceive as His blessing is in fact His wrath as He has given us up to the lesser things we desire.

Verse 21 says that we become futile (trifling; frivolous; unimportant) in our thinking.  What are the things we think about?  As embarrassing as it may be, I’ll tell you that I often day dream about campers, boats and cars.  I love camping and I like some of the campers that are out there and I want them.  I love boating and there are lots of boats I would like to have.  I also wouldn’t mind having a suburban... None of which is a bad thing.  But I find myself day dreaming about these things.  Wasting blocks of my life thinking about obtaining those possessions.  What futile thinking.  Things that in 100 years will be wasting away in a junk yard.  Spending too much time thinking about and pursuing ownership of these things is the very definition of verse 23 - exchanging the glory of God for images resembling mortal man.  And I do it alot!

I pray that God does not turn me over to my hearts desire.  Because my heart does not desire what it should!  I pray that He would mercifully change my heart to desire what is worthy.  

I think this also kind of goes along with this post... These are two are the scariest verses in the bible to me.  

Luke 8:
13And the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear the word, receive it with joy. But these have no root; they believe for a while, and in time of testing fall away. 14And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature.

I do not want to be someone who receives the word with joy, but falls away in times of testing.  To believe in Christ when I’m making my monthly bills, saving for retirement and getting good checkups at the Doctor’s only to fall away when my plans go awry.  There are lots of people, I pray I am not one, who are professing Christians who do not have salvation in Jesus Christ (note: I am not the judge, don’t want to be the judge, and do not try to figure out who they are, but they do exist).  Very similar to that is the one in 14 who hears, possibly accepts with joy as well, but is then choked out by the cares of this world.  That one is very real and dangerous as well.  We all deal with that risk on a daily, hourly, constant basis.  I’m not sure exactly the details and how it lines up with a few other verses, but I hope with everything I have in me that I will not in the end be one of those described in Matthew:

Matthew:
21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'

I think the scariest thing in here is that these people described appear to think they were genuine followers of Christ.  When combined with the Luke 8 verses, we aren’t always talking about people who rejected Christ, or who accepted and then knowingly changed their minds.  We are talking about people who thought they followed Christ and did not.  How does that happen?  I think it happens in part because we have plenty of teaching that is not biblical.  Preachers who don’t preach truth but preach what we want to hear and deceive us into believing we have salvation when we do not.  When we believe in a god who is not the God described in the bible but don’t know it.  If that doesn’t motivate me to search the scripture and humbly plead with God to have mercy on me, to give me wisdom, then I don’t know what will...

Children Playing with Fire

Luke 9:
52And he sent messengers ahead of him, who went and entered a village of the Samaritans, to make preparations for him. 53But the people did not receive him, because his face was set toward Jerusalem. 54And when his disciples James and John saw it, they said, "Lord, do you want us to tell fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” 55But he turned and rebuked them. 56And they went on to another village.

There is more than one thing, as usual, you can pull from this scripture.  There is hope for me even though I have been following Christ for some time and still mess it up a lot.  This verse is in Luke after the disciples have been in Christ’s presence for some time, having seen many miracles and yet they still don’t understand Him.  I mean, c’mon, when did Jesus ever do something like that?  He time and time again had compassion on the people in His midst.  And yet His disciples are full of judgement and wrath.

I picture a child with a new toy when I read this verse.  May be a 10 year old boy got a rocket for Christmas.  Daddy, can I hit the button, can I, can I, can I... watch it fly into the sky, please, now, now, please let me.  The disciples have seen Jesus perform miracles.  They have seen His power.  They have also already been sent out to preach, heal, cast out demons and so they know they have been given extraordinary power as well.  This verse is pretty soon after they were sent out and exercised this power on their own for the first time.  They are like kids with a new toy.  In a way it’s almost funny.

But what a lack of love.  No grace, no mercy, no love.  “Jesus they rejected you, let’s exterminate them from the face of the earth.”  How can you have a reaction like that after hanging out with Christ for so long?  We (I) do it all the time.  There will be a time of judgement when the Father does pour out wrath on those who live in rebellion against Him.  But Christ came to seek and to save the lost.  We preach a gospel of hope and mercy, not one of fear and forced submission.  

I wonder what that rebuke was like... “How about I tell fire to come down and consume you!?... I will be crucified in a couple of weeks and you will reject me as well.  Do you want me to obliterate you?  How about I pick one moment in your life, as you reject me and put aside my mercy and my patience and judge you?  Do you not understand me at all yet?”  (He actually does ask them that question many times in the gospels).

It makes no sense that when we remember the grace that Christ has poured out to us, and is still pouring out, that we do not in turn pour it out onto others... then we would see God using us to draw people to Himself.

2011 & Spiritual Growth

I have to start this blog post with a short note, lest you think I am complaining or have lost perspective on how ‘good’ I have it:  I have had an easy life.  And not only when compared to those in other countries who have nothing, but compared to people in America as well.  I don’t even know the beginning of hardship.

But as far as my life has gone so far - 2011, and specifically the 3rd quarter of 2011, was tough.  I think it was the most difficult few months of my life.  The ‘highlight’ of this period was Dad’s trip to the ICU after going into septic shock.  I still don’t think I comprehend the weightiness of how serious this situation actually was.  Other events within this 3 month period included trips to the ER with Tiffany, Zac and myself all making visits, in one degree of severity or another.  Most of them included the factor of not knowing if the situation was serious or not, and my visit was merely an inconvenience.  

In all of these I was left with lots of time and lots of prayers and plenty of thinking about Christ, my faith, my circumstances and how exactly they all relate to one another.  It’s been just over the last 18 months or so I’ve slowly started noticing that even though I did not desire to hold such beliefs, my beliefs were very unbiblical.  My prayers and my thoughts treat God as if He owes me something, as if He were a genie to answer my whims when I desire.  I am thankful these lies have been brought to my attention.  

God is good!  But not because Dad didn’t die, Tiffany & Eli are healthy, Zac was ok and I didn’t cut my finger off...  Any of these, or even all of these, could have gone the other way and my hope is that if they had I would still praise Him and love Him.  It is so easy, even in the good churches and around the right people to start believing God is good because He heals (which He does do) or because He provides (which he does do), etc.  But Christ’s death on the cross did not buy my health, it did not buy my being able to make my mortgage payment, it did not buy my comfort.  It bought my salvation.  My hope is in a future date when Christ will restore!  He paid my debt so that I could have Him.  A relationship with my creator.  I wish I understood this more than I do.  If my greatest joy is Christ, then my greatest joy can NEVER be taken from me, because that relationship on the cross has been purchased once and for all.  But when I am honest, I find that my greatest joy is not Christ... it’s the other things I have listed and those things were not purchased on the cross, they can at any moment be taken from me.  And until they become less so that Christ can become more I am at risk of losing what I treasure most in this life, which is not the reality of a child of God.  I know this is where my joy lies because while I wish I could say with Paul that I rejoice in my afflictions because they bring me closer to God - I do not.  I have a heart that is far from God and loves me more than Him.  And I am hesitant to ask God to change my heart because I fear the ways in which He will do it.  I agree with part of a sermon I heard by Matt Chandler when he made the point that what we often times think are blessings are in fact judgement from God.  I think my fear that my comfortable life is seducing me away from Jesus is growing stronger than my fear of affliction, which of course scares me :) but I hope that it will continue.

I am becoming desperately more aware of my need for Christ despite the appearance of what the world would call a ‘good person.’  For that I am thankful.  (If you have any interest in listening to someone preach the Gospel in every word with passion and love listen to Matt Chandler who I have to credit for a lot my maturing in this area as I listen to his sermons.)


Casting Crowns - Praise You in This Storm
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Habakkuk 3:17-19
“Though the fig tree should not blossom,
  nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
  and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
  and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
   I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
   he makes my feet like the deer’s;
  he makes me tread on my high places.”

Zac: Mr. Vocabulary

Hanging out in the end table

Zac has an enormous vocabulary.  It amazes me every day the things that he says.  When the Drs. asked how many words he could say I didn’t have a clue... 15, 20, that can’t be right.  So I have decided to begin listing them so I can count them and keep track.  

Zac is delayed in his gross motor skills and currently this translates into him being almost 15 months old and not walking yet.  Although, he has now started walking behind toys and cruising the couch very well.  He was evaluated at 14 months old and was at a 10 month old level for walking.  However, in the same evaluation his verbal and problem solving skills were around the 19 month level.  I had to make this blog post vs. just listing it for myself because any parent who is worth anything has to brag on their kids every now and then right? :)  

Since Zac is a little mocking bird and will repeat just about anything, I will only include words that I know he comprehends.  They are words that he can point to the object and identify or use in the proper context (such as hello and bye bye).  Also, some are obviously more clear than others, but all listed are distinct and identifiable.

Taking a  picture in Iowa

Eating a hot dog on July 4th

1. book
2. night night
3. diaper
4. bath
5. duck, quack quack
6. doggie
7. puppy, wuff wuff
8. meow
9. hat
10. shoes
11. pants
12. eyes
13. nose
14. neck
15. mouth
16. lips
17. teeth (this one is brand new, not consistent yet)
18. ears
19. belly
20. toes
21. knees (learned it last night, caught on pretty quick, we’ll count it)
22. dada
23. daddy
24. mama
25. mommy
26. bye
27. hi
28. hello (waves during bye, hi and hello with a real quick shoot of the arm straight up)
29. cars
30. truck
31. outside
32. Rachel (one of his first surprisingly, he LOVES cousin Rachel apparently!)
33. Luke
34. Nay Nay (Aunt Renee)
35. Papa
36. Tay Tay (Aunt Taylor)
37. Gigi
38. Mimi (Grammy, but he chooses to say Mimi)
39. Juice
40. Milk
41. Grapes
42. Peas
43. meat
44. cup
45. water (in a cup and identifies the river as water)
46. cereal
47. mail (also one of his first)
48. boat
49. paper
50. what’s that (repeats it non stop while pointing at everything in the room until you tell him)
51. t.v. (pretty new, but knows it real well!)
52. baby
53. paci
54. push
55. touch
56. hot ( i think he thinks hot means touch though, we’ll have to correct that!)
57. shells
58. lawn mower (within the last few weeks, we saw a man mowing on a walk and said lawn mower about 10 times and then a few days later he repeated it without prompting while watching me mow... not sure how he picks it up so fast).
59. phone (working on cell phone, he’s almost got it)
60. remote
61. monkey
62. owl (his pillow from Mrs. Allison)
63. potty (he doesn't get the concept for himself, but if you go into the bathroom he says potty)
64. nasty (ok he definitely doesn't get this fully, but he says this when you go into the bathroom, which I find hilarious)
65. picture

Most of these are months old also.  I know I have forgotten at least a few, it’s hard to remember all of them.  He has started putting two words together also, but doesn’t do this very often.  Tiffany has heard him say “dada work” and “mama home” and “where’s dada”. I have heard him say "potty nasty" but I don't think I'd count that since he doesn't know what it means...

Washing dishes in Iowa

El Dia del Padre

I absolutely love being a dad.  It provides some of the greatest moments I think I will ever experience.  I've always loved kids and wanted kids of my own... ever since I was a kid myself.  Toddlers are great.  They say the craziest things.  Rachel (my niece) is almost 3 and is hilarious.  And cute as a button to boot.  It's easy to guess that I had high very high expectations going into parenthood.  Generally speaking, such unhealthy expectations lead to un-met expectations and disappointment.  However, mine have been far exceeded if you can believe it!  I could have never imagined the emotion, joy, pain, love, laughter, etc. etc. that have come in just 14 short months... well in just a few short hours actually, the very first day of Zac's post-womb life.

I could have never imagined or predicted the feeling that comes from something as simple as walking in the door after work.  If there is one thing I enjoy about being gone all day, it's the greeting when you get home.  They do say absence makes the heart grow fonder.  On a typical day, Zac sits in the sun room playing with some old pureed prune cups that have been re purposed as little containers and toys.  Ma-ma prepares dinner.  I'll swing by the mailbox and head into the house.  Sometimes Zac will hear me and come scooting towards me, but sometimes Tiffany has to tell him I'm home.  Last night, she called to him and said Da-da is home, but apparently he thinks ma-ma is not always telling the truth, b/c he didn’t budge.  So I peaked around the corner of the kitchen door and spotted him with his seashells and containers.  He saw me immediately and shells and containers went flying across the room as he belly flopped onto the tile floor and was off chanting daddy, daddy, daddy all the way through the sun room, through the dining room, into the kitchen around the high chair and counter until he got to me where he continued to chant daddy while bouncing on his belly with his arms straight out waiting to be picked up.  He kind of looks like a fish out of water at this point.  Once picked up he starts asking for the mail and I'm not his focus anymore.  But he is still mine.  Nothing, not even a much better written description than the one above, can convey the feeling at that moment.  You truly have to experience it to believe it.


I hate that my little man is growing so fast.  Baby Zac is gone.  Only in my memories and photos will I ever see him again.  Dramatic, I know, but it is true.  Toddler Zac is here and I love him just as much.  I hate that with every new stage, the old is gone forever.  Luckily the new stage is always enjoyable enough to make up for it!  

I can’t wait to see who he will be as a 3 year old, 10 year old, 25 year old!  I look forward to the things I will do with him then.  I can't wait to share my interests with him (this has already begun!) and to find out what different interest he has. And to pass on things I learned from my dad.  A large part of why I was so excited to be a parent is because I had such great parents and want to pass what I've learned on. I hope that I can be as good of a dad as mine has been... I have learned from one of the best.  I’ve learned to attend all Zac’s sporting events, even if he is just warming the bench.  To make him follow through on commitments and then thank me 10 years later for encouraging him not to quit.  To show him how to love his wife by watching me love Tiffany.  To perfectly balance challenging him to be better while showing him that I am already proud of his accomplishments.  To teach him the things that are most important in life above all the stuff and noise that the culture tells us is important.  All of which I have learned by watching.  I can’t wait... but at the same time I know it is going to come too fast.  


So for now, I’ll slow life down as often as possible and enjoy the belly scooting, daddy chanting little 14 month old that loves me unconditionally.

Who am I & Who do I WANT to Be?

Who do I want to be?  Implied within the question is who do I want to be perceived as.  or Who do I want others to say that I am?  But the more important question is, who do I want to be even if it is not recognized by my peers?  and more importantly, if I do in fact achieve those qualities, will I be satisfied even if it is not validated by others?


"Our deepest desire - for significance - finds satisfaction in the esteem of God"
- "When Faith is Not Enough" Kelly James Clark