There are certain types of posts I put on here usually, and this is not one of them. This would normally go in a journal where no one else would read it. Yea, I journal. About 5 times a year. I do wish I did it more often though because it's great to go back and read. But anyway, this one is public this time for some reason.
Wasteland is much more appropriate I think than desert or valley or whatever you want to come up with. Deserts have vegetation. But wastelands have nothing. No productivity. They are uncultivated, devastated and barren. I feel like that is where we are right now spiritually. We've had our peaks and valleys like everyone, but sometimes you just get stuck in a rut. It's not one of those you get into and don't realize. It's one where you watch yourself heading right for it, but you don't steer away and eventually you go right into it knowing full well what you've done. Then you either get comfortable or you look at the depth of the rut and know you simply can't get out. I feel like I've been in 2-wheel drive trying to get out and now I think recently it's just been in park. (sorry for the 4-wheelin' analogy). I know exactly where I want to be. But it's a long way from here and I'm not sure how to get there sometimes. I know the steps to take to get there, but something holds me back. I think it is experience. The first few steps are usually easy enough. But it's that tough second mile, before the runner's high, that does me in every time.
As a family, Tiffany and I haven't prayed together in a long time. We haven't read the Word together. We haven't served together. We haven't worshiped together. Our marriage is going along just fine. But I don't want fine. I want great. Well, don't take that the wrong way, it is great. But there are some things missing that would make it even better. We also don't have others that we pray with, worship with and serve with. Two crucial elements that need to be in place and soon. We're heading into our 4th tax/busy season since we got married. It's a tough time for us, because our time together drops significantly. The past three have been good. This one could be much tougher if we don't get back into leaning on and trusting God. It will already be tougher as we bring Zac into the changing dynamics of our daily lives. That sounds so dramatic, but literally everything changes during tax season.
We are too comfortable currently and going about our life on our own strength. We need something to trust God with. To step out in faith and watch Him come through. Or simply to be in awe of who He is and to be able to just worship Him. May be it will be tax season that forces us to Him, but I certainly hope we can figure it out before then. :)
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