I have to start this blog post with a short note, lest you think I am complaining or have lost perspective on how ‘good’ I have it: I have had an easy life. And not only when compared to those in other countries who have nothing, but compared to people in America as well. I don’t even know the beginning of hardship.
But as far as my life has gone so far - 2011, and specifically the 3rd quarter of 2011, was tough. I think it was the most difficult few months of my life. The ‘highlight’ of this period was Dad’s trip to the ICU after going into septic shock. I still don’t think I comprehend the weightiness of how serious this situation actually was. Other events within this 3 month period included trips to the ER with Tiffany, Zac and myself all making visits, in one degree of severity or another. Most of them included the factor of not knowing if the situation was serious or not, and my visit was merely an inconvenience.
In all of these I was left with lots of time and lots of prayers and plenty of thinking about Christ, my faith, my circumstances and how exactly they all relate to one another. It’s been just over the last 18 months or so I’ve slowly started noticing that even though I did not desire to hold such beliefs, my beliefs were very unbiblical. My prayers and my thoughts treat God as if He owes me something, as if He were a genie to answer my whims when I desire. I am thankful these lies have been brought to my attention.
God is good! But not because Dad didn’t die, Tiffany & Eli are healthy, Zac was ok and I didn’t cut my finger off... Any of these, or even all of these, could have gone the other way and my hope is that if they had I would still praise Him and love Him. It is so easy, even in the good churches and around the right people to start believing God is good because He heals (which He does do) or because He provides (which he does do), etc. But Christ’s death on the cross did not buy my health, it did not buy my being able to make my mortgage payment, it did not buy my comfort. It bought my salvation. My hope is in a future date when Christ will restore! He paid my debt so that I could have Him. A relationship with my creator. I wish I understood this more than I do. If my greatest joy is Christ, then my greatest joy can NEVER be taken from me, because that relationship on the cross has been purchased once and for all. But when I am honest, I find that my greatest joy is not Christ... it’s the other things I have listed and those things were not purchased on the cross, they can at any moment be taken from me. And until they become less so that Christ can become more I am at risk of losing what I treasure most in this life, which is not the reality of a child of God. I know this is where my joy lies because while I wish I could say with Paul that I rejoice in my afflictions because they bring me closer to God - I do not. I have a heart that is far from God and loves me more than Him. And I am hesitant to ask God to change my heart because I fear the ways in which He will do it. I agree with part of a sermon I heard by Matt Chandler when he made the point that what we often times think are blessings are in fact judgement from God. I think my fear that my comfortable life is seducing me away from Jesus is growing stronger than my fear of affliction, which of course scares me :) but I hope that it will continue.
I am becoming desperately more aware of my need for Christ despite the appearance of what the world would call a ‘good person.’ For that I am thankful. (If you have any interest in listening to someone preach the Gospel in every word with passion and love listen to Matt Chandler who I have to credit for a lot my maturing in this area as I listen to his sermons.)
Casting Crowns - Praise You in This Storm
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Habakkuk 3:17-19
“Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.”
But as far as my life has gone so far - 2011, and specifically the 3rd quarter of 2011, was tough. I think it was the most difficult few months of my life. The ‘highlight’ of this period was Dad’s trip to the ICU after going into septic shock. I still don’t think I comprehend the weightiness of how serious this situation actually was. Other events within this 3 month period included trips to the ER with Tiffany, Zac and myself all making visits, in one degree of severity or another. Most of them included the factor of not knowing if the situation was serious or not, and my visit was merely an inconvenience.
In all of these I was left with lots of time and lots of prayers and plenty of thinking about Christ, my faith, my circumstances and how exactly they all relate to one another. It’s been just over the last 18 months or so I’ve slowly started noticing that even though I did not desire to hold such beliefs, my beliefs were very unbiblical. My prayers and my thoughts treat God as if He owes me something, as if He were a genie to answer my whims when I desire. I am thankful these lies have been brought to my attention.
God is good! But not because Dad didn’t die, Tiffany & Eli are healthy, Zac was ok and I didn’t cut my finger off... Any of these, or even all of these, could have gone the other way and my hope is that if they had I would still praise Him and love Him. It is so easy, even in the good churches and around the right people to start believing God is good because He heals (which He does do) or because He provides (which he does do), etc. But Christ’s death on the cross did not buy my health, it did not buy my being able to make my mortgage payment, it did not buy my comfort. It bought my salvation. My hope is in a future date when Christ will restore! He paid my debt so that I could have Him. A relationship with my creator. I wish I understood this more than I do. If my greatest joy is Christ, then my greatest joy can NEVER be taken from me, because that relationship on the cross has been purchased once and for all. But when I am honest, I find that my greatest joy is not Christ... it’s the other things I have listed and those things were not purchased on the cross, they can at any moment be taken from me. And until they become less so that Christ can become more I am at risk of losing what I treasure most in this life, which is not the reality of a child of God. I know this is where my joy lies because while I wish I could say with Paul that I rejoice in my afflictions because they bring me closer to God - I do not. I have a heart that is far from God and loves me more than Him. And I am hesitant to ask God to change my heart because I fear the ways in which He will do it. I agree with part of a sermon I heard by Matt Chandler when he made the point that what we often times think are blessings are in fact judgement from God. I think my fear that my comfortable life is seducing me away from Jesus is growing stronger than my fear of affliction, which of course scares me :) but I hope that it will continue.
I am becoming desperately more aware of my need for Christ despite the appearance of what the world would call a ‘good person.’ For that I am thankful. (If you have any interest in listening to someone preach the Gospel in every word with passion and love listen to Matt Chandler who I have to credit for a lot my maturing in this area as I listen to his sermons.)
Casting Crowns - Praise You in This Storm
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Habakkuk 3:17-19
“Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.”
No comments:
Post a Comment